Instructions for Your Last Baby’s First Year

Operating Instruction Manual for Baby 3.0

Materials Needed:

Patience
Coffee (and lots of it)
a really good baby carrier
a hands-on husband (highly recommended: one with a generous paternity leave policy)

Step 1. Bring your brand new baby into the world at 9:38 pm, on a beautiful June night. The hospital will be full of freshly born babies but don’t worry, they’ll find an unused OR room for you, just minutes before you meet your son. Later, everyone will tell you to get some sleep. But the adrenaline from bringing a new life into the world will keep you up for hours. As you hold Rocco on your chest and listen to your husband snore from the fold out couch across the room, replay the events of the evening over and over in your head and commit them to memory.

Step 2. Feel all the feels as you drive away from the hospital less than 48 hours later. You will know in your heart that it will be the last time you walk out of The Toledo Hospital’s L&D department.

Step 3. The following morning, while everyone else is asleep and the house is quiet, snuggle Rocco in the yellow knit blanket you bought for him. Take a picture of the scrunchy little newborn sitting in front of you so that you always remember this moment. THIS is the moment that it all sinks in. It is THIS moment when you realize that you are now the mother of three beautiful babies.

Step 4. You will soon find yourself spread very thin. There is only one of you, and three very busy little ones to feed, clothe, play with, and care for in a hundred different ways. You will never feel as if you are keeping up. You will never feel as if you are doing a good enough job. Do the best you can, and remind yourself that it won’t be like this forever. This is both a blessing and a curse.

NOTE: Frequent reminders may be necessary.

Step 5. Revel in the family you have created. In between pumping, changing diapers, and making chicken nuggets, you will find the most indescribable joy watching your three children together.

Step 6. After another sleepless night, take a stab at writing something, anything, about your newest little love. Your blog is full of essays about life with Luca and Gia. While the essays are far from perfect, you have created tangible documentation of the adventures, memories, and struggles your family has experienced. When you are unable to write something that you think is good enough to publish for others to read, try again. And again and again.

NOTE: Give yourself lots of grace here. The brain fog you are experiencing will not last forever. Document what you can in the margins of your day and know that it’s enough.

Step 7. Fail at trying to keep the mom-guilt from overwhelming you. You will feel a lot of guilt that Rocco’s first year looked different than Luca’s, and even Gia’s first years. Your time and attention will be split in a million different directions. You will feel as if you didn’t read enough books, and that you gave too many store bought baby food pouches and not enough homemade purees. Rocco will be schlepped to gymnastics, soccer games, and preschool programs constantly, and for the first 8 months of his life, he will hate every second he spends in the car.

NOTE: Though it will feel like you won’t get through another day of nonstop screaming in the car, you will. One morning you will drive the kids to school and upon arriving, realize that Rocco didn’t scream at all. And that will be that.

Step 8. Pay attention to everything. As Rocco gets older, his personality will really start to shine. He will have this goofy little straight-across smile that you won’t be able to get enough of. He will giggle uncontrollably when you tickle him. For a short time, he will look at you as if you are his whole world. Don’t forget these little things, because one day you will realize they weren’t so little after all.

NOTE: Taking a lot of pictures and videos will help with this.

Step 9. Watch eagerly as Rocco meets important milestones. Realize rather quickly, that all of Rocco’s “firsts,” will be your “lasts.”

Step 10. Fail again, at keeping that ever-familiar guilt from creeping back in. You will have been so busy and preoccupied this year, that you will wonder if you appreciated the time with Rocco as much as you had hoped to. Know that you did your best and that regardless of how much time you would have had, it still wouldn’t feel like enough.

Step 11. Slowly but surely, pack up the newborn sleepers, the burp cloths, the bouncy seat. Put them into storage in the basement, not because you will need them again in a couple years, but because you’re not quite sure what to do with things that hold such important memories.

NOTE: Remembering and reminiscing are always encouraged, but be careful wishing for the past. There are many good things that lie ahead. Part of you will always miss the baby that he was, but what a tragedy it would be to miss watching him grow up.

Step 12. On June 7, 2024, celebrate the extraordinary little boy that completed your family.