Bedtime Routines, Baby Kicks, and The Tiny Moments
It’s currently 8:30 pm, about an hour past our “goal” bedtime for our toddler. And we don’t seem any closer to sleep than we did an hour ago when we started our bedtime routine. This has been happening more and more ever since we transitioned him from his crib to his “big boy room,” in preparation for the arrival of his baby sister. Now, instead of reading stories and being rocked before bed, we read books in his bed and my husband or I (or much of the time, both of us) will lay next to him for awhile before he goes to sleep. And it has become near impossible for me to leave him as he begs, “mommy lay down.” I’m just a few short weeks away from my due date though, and by the end of the day I am TIRED. Most days, I can’t wait until bedtime so I can lounge on the couch and not move for a solid couple of hours. So you could say this prolonged bedtime routine isn’t something I’ve been particularly thrilled about.
The minutes tick on and now it’s well past my son’s bedtime. His chatter about dump trucks and excavators continues and I begin to think about how unfair it is that toddlers actually wake up earlier the later they go to bed. As I’m debating the merits of how critical toddler sleep is to my sanity, and how difficult it is to obtain at times, my pregnant belly starts to do that weird moving thing pregnant bellies do. “Baby sis” as we’ve been affectionately referring to her as, must be doing some sort of gymnastics in there because my belly is moving in ways that can only be described as witnessing an alien trying to escape out of a human being. This isn’t new to me, as I experienced it when pregnant with my son. But it is new to big brother Luca. I quickly grab my toddler’s little hand and place it on my belly so he can feel. I watch as his eyes get wide. He goes still and gets really quiet, as if any sound or movement will scare her away. He looks at my belly and tilts his head, as if he’s simultaneously amazed but also can’t quite grasp what’s happening. Then he looks at me. Smiles. “Baby sis awake,” he whispers. And his little hand gently starts rubbing my belly.
Well any chance I had of leaving my son’s room is officially over. I actually think my heart is a puddle on the floor now.
No one tells you about these moments. The tiny moments where you are just filled with gratitude for the little life in front of you, and the one you are growing inside of you.
It’s the tiny moments just like these that make me stop and savor them, changing my mind about rushing through our bedtime routine. They stop me in my tracks, make me smile, and I say a quick thank you to the Big Guy upstairs. That bowl of ice cream and This Is Us can wait just a little while longer.
This pregnancy has been different for me than with my first baby, for a lot of different reasons. I think most people assume subsequent pregnancies are sort of a “been there, done that” type of thing. And I suppose in some ways it is. I may not check my pregnancy app weekly (or at all anymore if we’re being honest), the nursery still isn’t done, and I don’t find myself obsessively thinking about labor like I did with my son. The truth is, with subsequent pregnancies, you’re just busy. You’re preoccupied with the other kids that you have. But for me, it doesn’t mean this pregnancy hasn’t been special in it’s own ways. I have learned how much of a blessing it is to create life, and I haven’t taken a single moment of this pregnancy for granted. The little moments of pregnancy that are so special during your first, are even more special when you get to experience them with the one who made you a mom.
I’ve had the opportunity to take my 2-year-old with me to a few doctor appointments. He got to see baby sis during an ultrasound and he has heard her “heartbeep” as he calls it, via the doppler. He has felt the baby kick and spends a decent amount of time talking to his sister through my belly. My son watched as his dad painted his old bedroom pink, and he is so excited to show his sister her new room. We picked out the nursery decorations together and he’s already got quite the collection of “big brother” shirts. My toddler has gotten to be a big part of all the tiny moments during this pregnancy and it has made it all the more special to me.
So, as we lay here together in my son’s big boy bed with all his blankets and stuffed puppy dogs, the minutes tick on. I remind myself that one day, he won’t need me in here to fall asleep. One day (very soon), I won’t be pregnant and feeling my baby from the inside, I’ll be holding her on the outside. One day, these tiny moments will be a distant memory. So I will lay there and tuck my son in for the 12th time, savoring our time together and dreaming about all the tiny moments I will get to experience with both of my babies in the future.
